Woman making heart shape with hands to frame the sea

My Four Step Approach To Dealing With Toxic People:

Woman making heart shape with hands to frame the sea

Are there people in your life that are dragging you down, or criticizing your every move? If you’re like me and you are trying to bring about positive changes in your life, it can really hurt when someone stomps on your dream.

So I have a suggestion for you that I use to keep my humor and spirits up.

Imagine in your mind putting one of those Mr. Yuck stickers on the people in your life who are toxic. Or better yet, imagine their whole face is a Mr. Yuck sticker. This way you will always be reminded to be cautious around them and you’ll have a laugh! You won’t ever forget that you must take their words with a grain of salt.

No seriously I’m kidding….kind of ;).

I have a four step approach to dealing with toxic people that I am going to share with you. Compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and gratitude.

What you can’t forget about people is that most of the time what they say has nothing to do with you. Even though they are talking to you and “about” you, it is usually a reflection of what they are feeling on the inside. They may be giving you left handed compliments to cut you down, or perhaps they come right out and say it. However, what they are really saying is that they are insecure or unhappy in their lives. It is easier for them to point out the “flaws” in you than it is for them to face what they don’t like about themselves.

I have to practice feeling compassion for them, because what they must be going through to act this way must be awful. Their situation in life is absolutely no excuse to treat people horribly, but it explains it so it can help you to move on. A lot of times what we don’t like in others is what we don’t like about ourselves. When I catch myself deciding that I don’t like someone I don’t even know, I ask myself “what is it about them that I don’t like?” Usually, it is that they have something in life that I want and because of this I decide to dislike them. I have to remind myself to have compassion for everyone because we all have insecurities and struggles. We are all equally capable of having everything we want out life. No one has a magic wand, we all have to work for it.

Compassion serves to help us understand them and to recognize that their words and thoughts are all focused on them. When they are criticizing you, they are really just taking their anger towards themselves and projecting it on to you.

Whenever I’m hurting because of something someone has said to me, I always remind myself that everyone is always doing their best, even if they are being cruel. This helps me to forgive them for what they have said. It is more important to forgive and move on than it is to hold those bad feelings inside. You forgive for yourself, not for the other person. By keeping all of that negative energy inside, you are only doing yourself harm. I’m not even saying that you have to tell them you forgive them; even if you just think it to yourself it will help you to let it go.

The final step is gratitude. I am so grateful for everyone that has passed through my life, even my bullies. Every person that has come into your life is there for a reason. Someone just told me that everyone comes into our lives for a season, a reason, or a life time. We don’t know why we meet who we meet, but we always end up learning something from them. No matter who you meet, you will come out the other side stronger and smarter.

So go ahead and give my method a try and see how it works for you!